Our tax dollars at work:  So I thought it would be a fun idea if I brought my London hostess one of those little cactus gardens you buy at the airport.  Neat, right?  But I notice this sign that says "BEFORE YOU PURCHASE A CACTUS PLANT.... The Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species (CITES) regulates the international movement of most cactus species..blady blady blah......government inspectors will..remove them from your possession if they lack proper documentation....blady blady blah.....If you are interested in obtaining the documentation required to transport the cactus out of the US, please call the US Dept. of Agriculture's Animal and Plan Health Inspection Service at blah blah blah"

Okay, fine.  I'll bite and I call the number. 

Which is no longer in operation.

So I spend about a half hour googling the US Dept. of Agriculture's Animal and Plan Health Inspection service (heretofore referred to as the US DAAPHIS, just for fun) looking for a name in Arizona that I could call.  And I hit a dead end everywhere.  But I could have read an awful lot on transporting various animals, etc. out of the country.

I finally found a "contact us" link and sent an email question that I wanted to take a stupid little cactus garden to London and where could I get documentation.  I got a pretty quick, if canned response from "ASK USDA" which suggested I "contact the USDA Export Certification Specialist in your State. Contact information for these specialists, by State, and other information regarding plant exports is available at" ....and gave me a link to click.  So I clicked the link, looked around, clicked the "Arizona" link and got a name of the Export Certification Specialist for Arizona.

Who is located in Colorado.

So I called her.

And was told she no longer works there.

But the nice lady who did answer the phone listened to my story about only wanting to take a stupid little cactus garden to London as a swell gift, gave me the spiel on how cacti are a protected species (and apparently more protected than kids in the state of Arizona but that's a blog for another day), and explained that only designated "ports" could issue the appropriate certification and she did not have that information handy, but she would look into it and call me back.

And she did!  And gave me the designated port that can issue a certification that is located closest to me.

It's in Nogales. 

But she also gave me the phone number, so that is next on my list to call.  I've come too far to give up the fight to take a $17 cactus garden out of the country and give it a new home.

She also warned me that I would have to identify the species of cactus and the genus and however it is that you identify plants, which I slept through in biology 50 years ago.  So I have to look up photos of cacti and try to identify them.  I'm tempted to just use any cactus names and say which they are in my best definitive voice, cause I'm guessing whoever in whatever airport that looks at this cactus garden and the documentation ain't gonna know any more than I do about which is which. 

Will the garden makes its way across the Pond in my suitcase or will it find a home in my kitchen window?  Stay tuned......

 

Here's the cactus garden causing all the trouble